The Joy of Solitude

As I get older, I am beginning to embrace my inner introvert. I find that crowds are almost intolerable and socializing feels like so much work. Today I stayed home from church and instead distributed flyers in my neighborhood. I had my tunes on, the weather was perfect, every home so interesting ... I was so energized by this time alone.

I usually feel awkward about this trait of mine. I was invited to a party this weekend. I wanted to want to go. But truly the thought of going and making small talk wore me out before I even stepped out the door. I rented movies instead, which I watched while doing computer work. I stayed up late and slept in this morning. It was glorious.

Growing up on a farm I was surrounded by quiet, punctuated by mooing cows, or barking dogs, a thunderstorm. Perhaps this is what my nervous system craves ... the sounds - or lack of sounds - from my childhood. I have always been somewhat sensitive to sound, but I have only gotten moreso over time. I wonder sometimes if it is the yoga. Perhaps it has made me so much more conscious of subtlety that actual noise feels like bomb going off in my head. At any rate, this is how it is for me now.

I am not sure why I wrote about this today except that I spent a glorious weekend mostly alone, doing whatever occurred to me to do. Heaven.

Time to Breathe

Business is still slow for me at the yoga studio. I have to say, though, that I am enjoying (aside from the decreased revenue) having time. Simply time.

My vacuum cleaner is acting up. Usually I would feel like I do not have time to deal with finding the booklet or trying to fix it. Then all the sudden I remembered that I have plenty of time to do just that. I did find the booklet and I did try to figure out what is wrong with it. I failed, but at least I had time to try!

Another simple thing I had time for - methodically working the drawstring back into my drawstring pants. It took patience and time, both of which I had.

This morning my cable box was not working properly. I had time to sit on hold for brighthouse. And then while we were waiting for the box to reboot I had the time to listen to the customer service person tell me that she has been robbed three times while none of her neighbors have. I had the time to suggest to her that she sage her house and repeat a protective mantra. I had time to connect as a human being to another human being.

My husband it working away at the moment. As a surprise to him I decided to load all of his CDs into his computer and purchase him an inexpensive MP3 player. He is still listening to some of his music on cassette and is quite reluctant to make the move to the digital age. He has quite a collection of CDs that I have been methodically "ripping." But I have had time.

This morning I am going to get the honor of listening to Swami Karunanda at the Temple of the Living God and then visit the Sunday market in the Grand Central District. I have time.

Moving Through the Death of Something to New Life

It has been about a week since we made changes at work. I was sad at first. I felt something was dying, ending. And I guess it was. But as I pondered and meditated and allowed myself to feel my feelings, I began to realize that maybe that's ok. Maybe it is ok for the old way to die. So many times in the last four years I felt so very tired. I worked 60-hour weeks. While my work has been rewarding, I had to do so much of it just to keep it all going. I got my first sense of clarity on Sunday morning. I don't want to push and strive anymore. I want to live with peace and ease. Then during meditation at church a phrase appeared in my mind: "The Foundation for Integrating Eastern and Western Medicine." Huh? What does this mean? What shape will this take? Then I decided that I didn't have to know the shape of it. I was just going to show up. Talk to people who appeared in my life about it and see what happened.

This whole week I have been moving with ease through my days. Marketing, laundry, marketing, petting the cats, teaching yoga, meeting potential partners, practicing yoga, petting the cats, yard work, marketing, petting the cats, teaching yoga, doing the dishes, practicing yoga. I enjoyed. I breathed. I found my voice about some things and spoke honestly. Today I allowed myself -after a beauiful walk to and from church - a day of watching chick flicks. It's a beautiful life.